Tag: psychology

Real vs deal friends

These are what some social scientists call “expedient friendships”—with people we might call “deal friends”—and they are probably the most common type most of us have. The average adult has 16 people they would classify as friends. Of these, 3 are “friends for life,” and 5 are people they really like. The other 8 are not people they would hang out with 1-on-1. We can logically infer that these friendships are not an end in themselves but are instrumental to some other goal, such as furthering one’s career or easing a social dynamic. Expedient friendships might be a pleasant—and certainly useful—part of life, but they don’t usually bring lasting joy and comfort. If you find that your social life is leaving you feeling a little empty and unfulfilled, it might just be that you have too many deal friends, and not enough real friends.

Psychiatric Ontology

I think most psychiatric disorders exist on a spectrum from mostly-tradeoff to mostly-failure (what we might call “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” versions of the same phenotype).

Mostly-tradeoff ADHD looks like someone who is adventurous, likes variety, and thrives in high-stress situations, but is also bad at tolerating boring situations.

Mostly-tradeoff schizophrenia (which might be schizotypal personality disorder, or a subset of it, I’m not sure) looks like someone who is creative, attuned to interesting patterns, and charismatic, but also a bit odd and superstitious.

Mostly-tradeoff OCD (which might be obsessive-compulsive personality disorder) looks like somebody who’s responsible and perfectionist, but has trouble letting things go.

I think Cluster B personality disorders are already tradeoffs; adding failures just make them less effective ones. For example, tradeoff-antisocial-personality is a con man who uses unethical means to get ahead (and sometimes succeeds); tradeoff-plus-failure-antisocial usually ends up in prison very quickly and never gets out.

New forms of community

2 related articles caught my eye recently. the first one argues that the nuclear family was a mistake, and better configurations are possible:

for vast stretches of human history people lived in extended families consisting of not just people they were related to but people they chose to cooperate with. An international research team recently did a genetic analysis of people who were buried together—and therefore presumably lived together—34 ka ago in what is now Russia. They found that the people who were buried together were not closely related to one another.

When we discuss the problems confronting the country, we don’t talk about family enough. It feels too judgmental. Maybe even too religious. But the blunt fact is that the nuclear family has been crumbling in slow motion for decades, and many of our other problems—with education, mental health, addiction, the quality of the labor force—stem from that crumbling. We’ve left behind the nuclear-family paradigm of 1955. For most people it’s not coming back. Americans are hungering to live in extended and forged families, in ways that are new and ancient at the same time. This is a significant opportunity, a chance to thicken and broaden family relationships, a chance to allow more adults and children to live and grow under the loving gaze of 12 pairs of eyes, and be caught, when they fall, by 12 pairs of arms.

The second article argues that friendships, not marriage, ought to be at the center of life:

Intimate friendships have not always generated confusion and judgment. The period spanning the 18th to early 20th centuries was the heyday of passionate, devoted same-sex friendships, called “romantic friendships.” Without self-consciousness, American and European women addressed effusive letters to “my love” or “my queen.” Women circulated friendship albums and filled their pages with affectionate verse. In Amy Matilda Cassey’s friendship album, the abolitionist Margaretta Forten inscribed an excerpt of a poem that concludes with the lines “Fair friendship binds the whole celestial frame / For love in Heaven and Friendship are the same.” Authors devised literary plot lines around the adventures and trials of romantic friends. In the 1897 novel Diana Victrix, the character Enid rejects a man’s proposal because her female friend already occupies the space in her life that her suitor covets. In words prefiguring Kami West’s, Enid tells the man that if they married, “you would have to come first. And you could not, for she is first.”

False Side Effects

if you reach a large enough population, you are literally going to have cases where someone gets the vaccine and drops dead the next day (just as they would have if they didn’t get the vaccine). It could prove difficult to convince that person’s friends and relatives of that lack of connection, though. Post hoc ergo propter hoc is one of the most powerful fallacies of human logic, and we’re not going to get rid of it any time soon.

Obvious disaster

COVID-19 is anything but a black swan. It is perhaps the most foreseen (and foreseeable) disaster of its kind in history. Which makes the people who “saw it coming” more like the ideological equivalent of self-important Yelp commenters, rather than Hari-Seldon-grade psychohistorical geniuses.

Eel video chat

Concerned that the garden eels – so named because their grass-like appearance when, en masse, they poke their heads out of the seabed – could come to see visitors as a threat, the aquarium is asking people to get in touch in the form of a calming video calls.

Doctor delusions

Your patients’ last doctor was worse than you. Your patients love you Patients often come to you, but never leave you You’ve probably successfully treated most of your patients You know what you know, but you don’t know what you don’t know Your victories belong to you, your failures belong to Nature You do a good job satisfying your own values

A Causal Sequence

Here is how I currently understand the relationship between correlation and causality, and the collective findings of meta-scientific research: a shockingly large fraction of psychological research and other fields is simple random noise which cannot be replicated ‘everything is correlated’—even things which seem to have no causal relationship whatsoever most efforts to change human behavior and sociology and economics and education fail in randomized evaluation in every field from medicine to economics, when we directly ask how well correlations predict subsequent randomized experiments, we find that the predictive power is poor all variables are part of enormous dense causal graphs ‘folk causality’ often performs badly, especially in extremely complex fields with ambiguous long-term outcomes

Cancelling Plans

Part of the secret is not to overbook yourself in the first place. I’m a long-time practitioner of this technique — I say a straightforward no to lots of things, and if I say yes to something, I almost never cancel. And lately I’ve been saying yes more often, because as Khazan writes, getting out and doing stuff, even if it’s potentially uncomfortable and maybe not even your cup of tea, is part of caring for yourself. Human souls are not meant to be left on shelves; they need to run and play with others in the real world.