Not that any combination of foot maladies could stop these unfashionable juggernauts. Though The People of New York v. Their Families clearly states that parental visits “may not exceed 4 days, although 3 is honestly ideal,” it was somehow now Day 5 of parents-in-town. We had crossed a dangerous threshold, into a netherworld where there wasn’t really anything left to do. A desperation took hold of us all—my stepfather, wielding a rolled-up copy of Time Out like a truncheon, began to suggest truly depraved activities. A visit to the Botanical Garden loomed.

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