sarah just sent me this, with a stern face:
YOUR FRIEND OR CO-WORKER COULD BE A SPACE ALIEN … here’s how you can tell (by Michael Cassels of the “National Inquirer”)
Many Americans live and work side by side with space aliens who look human -but you can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs.
They listed 10 signs to watch for:
1. Odd or mismatched clothes. “Often space aliens don’t fully understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers,” noted Brad Steiger, a renowned UFO investigator and author.

OR, SAY, CLOTHES THAT DO NOT FIT PROPERLY AND ARE NOT MATCHED BY COLOR AND MAYBE THE PANTS ARE TOO SHORT OR DO NOT BUTTON

2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Space aliens might eat French fries with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills, the experts say.

YEAST. ALL OATMEAL ALL THE TIME.

3. Bizarre sense of humor. Space aliens who don’t understand earthly humor may laugh during a serious company training film or tell jokes that no one understands.

YOU MAKE MANY JOKES I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

4. Takes frequent sick days. A space alien might need extra time off to “rejuvenate its energy”.

OR PERHAPS CANNOT WAKE UP EARLY AND MUST LIE ABOUT IN BED FOR HOURS BEFORE GETTING UP FOR WORK

5. Keeps a written or tape recorded diary. “Aliens are constantly gathering information.”.

ONE WORD: BLOG

6. Misuses everyday items. “A space alien may use correction fluid to paint its nails”.

GREGOR + HARDWARE = BAD SCENE

7. Constant questioning about customs of co-workers. Space aliens who are trying to learn about earth culture might ask questions that seem stupid.
“For example, a co-worker may ask why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July,” noted Steiger.

WHY ARE AMERICANS SO FAT? WHY IS THE US GOVERNMENT SO STUPID? WHY DOES EVERYTHING CLOSE SO EARLY?

8. Secretive about personal life-style and home. “An alien won’t discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends”.

ONE WORD REVISITED: BLOG

9. Frequently talks to himself. “An alien may not be used to speaking as we do,so an alien may practice speaking,” Steiger noted.

PRETENDS TO BE SPEAKING A “SECOND LANGUAGE” SO SLIP UPS CAN BE EASILY EXPLAINED AWAY

10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain high-tech hardware. “An alien may experience a mood change when a microwave oven is turned on”. The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.

EXPOSURE TO SHINY SOFTWARE INCREASES YOUR PULSE QUITE DRAMATICALLY

I am going to sell my story to the newspaper and then harvest your organs for our scientists to study.

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